"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

We all have things we are afraid of doing or trying, but some people are able to handle this a little better than others. Some people show courage in the face of fear, and as Mark Twain said, they learn to manage their fears, so that they can function. This often involves changing the way we think about certain things. It may also involve changing the way we think about ourselves. We have to give ourselves the credit we deserve, and not become our own worst critics.

One reason people don't take the risk of a new job, new careers, new relationships is because of their fears. We all have goals that we aspire to achieve, but we are afraid of failing, of what others will think of us if we fail, of being rejected and of looking foolish in front of our friends and family

Why do some people react so differently to a situation, such as public speaking? Some people have no problem getting up in front of a crowd and talking about practically anything. Others are very frightened by this prospect and may even become physically sick from the fear they are feeling, due to the stress of the situation. Again, it is the same situation presented to two people, but very different reactions.

This goes back to how we handle the stressful situations in our lives. When we have various resources and are able to plan for certain events, we tend to handle them better. We don't reach a point of being overwhelmed by situations because we have planned for them and know how we want to react. Most of us prefer order to chaos, and predictability to total spontaneity.

We all have a perception of ourselves that is a certain level of our self-esteem. If we see ourselves as people who are incapable of doing certain tasks, then we look for situations to confirm our suspicions about ourselves. In other words, we seek the self-fulfilling prophecy. If we have told ourselves over and over that we can't swim, dance, fit into a crowd of people, or any other activity, then when we are presented with that situation, we probably won't be able to swim, dance or fit in because we have done such a good job of convincing ourselves that we will fail.

We have usually done a good job of convincing ourselves this at an early age, and we carry those fears into adulthood. We may even "play those old tapes in our head" in which we say, "I know I can't do that" and then when we try and fail, we say, "See, I was right."

The mind is such a powerful tool, and the key to unlocking your power. According to Tom Shelberg, in his article in Letting Go, (July/August 1998), you can overcome your fears if you harness the power of your mind. There is a lot of truth to "thinking makes it so." Being able to think through the process will allow you to come up with solutions and plans to overcome your fears.

He suggests that the keys to overcoming fear are:

Admitting the fear. Identify what it is that you are really afraid of, and then write it down, talk to friends about it, and your fear will lesson as you become more comfortable with discussing it.

Understanding your fears. Understanding that fear is normal and a protective reaction to certain situations helps to explain why we feel the way we do. Fear is not a "welcome feeling", according to Mr. Shelberg, but it truly is a normal feeling.

Visualizing yourself in control. Imagine yourself being successful at what you are afraid of doing. Wouldn't that be the greatest feeling in the world? People often say they feel so "powerful" after completing a scary task. It gives them a sense of control, and that is what fear takes away from us. Feeling in control will increase your self-confidence dramatically, and will allow you to not be afraid of failing. So what if you fail at something; at least you tried!

All of this deals with the ability to find the courage to face change, do what is right, face adversity, face the unknown and take a leap of faith. Where can one find that type of courage?

Read as much as you can. Articles about self-esteem, self-fulfillment, and accomplishing your dreams are everywhere. Your local bookstore and /or library will have volumes of books on these subjects.

By modeling others who possess the skills that you desire. Find someone to be a role model for you. (They don't even have to know about it). See how they act and tend to overcome certain obstacles and then try to behave in a similar manner.

By practicing and practicing until something becomes second nature and no longer frightening to you. Tony Robbins tells listeners in his "Personal Power" programs that repetition is the mother of skill.

By using guided imagery, as Shelberg suggests, to see yourself, in your mind's eye, accomplishing that task that you are afraid of doing.

Write your plan down, and refer to it often. In designing care plans for patients, we identify a problem, write down our intended interventions, and then look at the outcomes. If something is not successful, then we change our plan. Review your ideas for how you can overcome a certain fear, and if your steps toward that fear aren't successful, then talk to others and come up with additional ideas.

Information provided by Summit Medical Center Psychiatric Program
Hermitage, TN
December, 2000

Reading Suggestions

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

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